MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE IN MARRIAGE

“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

And ADAM GAVE NAMES TO ALL cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; BUT FOR ADAM THERE WAS NOT FOUND AN HELP MEET FOR HIM.

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:18-23 (KJV)

You need to be informed that God did not just make marriage and abandon it in the hands of Man, as some want us to believe. God made marriage and remained committed to it, and to its management. God is still very much interested and involved in marriage, till now! Sadly, some strange teachings are insinuating that God is no more interested in marriage. These strange teachers claim that since Adam accused God of giving him a wife, when he did not request for one, God, in anger, had stopped getting involved in anything marriage; and thus, those who want to marry, from that time onward, needed to “shine their eyes” and go in search of who is suitable for them, in their own eyes, and marry him or her.

These strange teachers and preachers supported their erroneous teachings with Proverbs 18:22:

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” (KJV)

They posit that the word “findeth”, in the verse above, presupposes a search. They argue that, only a good search produces a good wife. You might possibly be on the social media, searching for a good wife, all because you believe such erroneous teaching or insinuation! You need to be told that, nothing can be farther from the truth! Nowhere is it written in the Bible, that God has resigned from the issue of marriage and He is no more interested in it.

The Psalmist, to defeat this lies, categorically declared that no one can find his own help (your wife), from anywhere else, except from the LORD:

“I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

MY HELP COMETH FROM THE LORD, which made heaven and earth.” Psalms 121:1-2 (KJV)

If therefore you are looking for true help, then stop surfing the web or consulting match-makers for such; true help comes exclusively from the LORD! It is a man who has lost something that searches; Adam lost nothing, so there was no need to search (for anything)!

Be that as it may, we still need to check the veracity of the claims of this strange teaching, beginning from Proverbs 18:22. Is it true that everyone has to go in search of his own spouse, using his/her eyes?

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and OBTAINETH FAVOUR of the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

“WHO CAN FIND (by searching) a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” Proverbs 31:10 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

It is pertinent to mention that the question in the verse above, “Who can find a virtuous woman?”, was not answered. The following statement, “for her price is far above rubies”, which would have looked like as the answer, looks more like a further confirmation that the question has no immediate answer.

Truth remains that the price of a virtuous woman is far above rubies, irrespective of the quality and the quantity of the rubies. It means that if a man can search for and gather all the rubies in the world, he will still not be smart enough, or have enough, or be funded enough or be qualified enough, to have a virtuous woman (as his wife)! This is why it is unbiblical, painful and a great aberration for a woman to reduce herself to what money or anything can buy! You worth more than all the rubies in the world, oh woman!

This is why the Bible concludes in Proverbs 18:22 that, anyone who finally finds, that is, who gets, or who is blessed with a wife, obtains the favour of the LORD. It means that, the ‘race’ to get a wife is not for the swift, neither it is a ‘battle’ for the strong; but of the LORD that shows mercy! It means that, to have a wife is akin to obtaining God’s favour. Who therefore can get God’s favour by searching for it or by paying for it? God’s favour is priceless, so is a wife! A wife (even your wife) is God’s priceless favour! This is why you must treasure her and take good care of her, as a correct husband.

If Adam, in his perfect state, could not get a wife through the use of his eyes, it means it will be a double-tragedy for any man to depend on his optical eyes to search for his wife, and same for the woman. Do not forget that all that Adam saw, when he engaged his eyes, in search of his help, were animals and birds.

Certainly, what you will find (in this fallen state of Man), if you use your impaired eyes to search for a spouse, is a wild animal! Maybe that is the secret of what you have now, as a wife or as a husband.

To further confirm that God is still in the business of marriage, the Bible says:

“House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and A PRUDENT WIFE IS FROM THE LORD.” Proverbs 19:14 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

House and riches could come from fathers, either biological or spiritual, and it is possible for you to even get good one by searching, if you have your money; but no father or mother or anybody can give you a virtuous woman (or a good husband). A prudent wife (help), and a good husband (head) come only from the LORD. You cannot edge God out, in this matter of marriage and get the right result.

THE DEEP SLEEP: REQUISITE ATTITUDE FOR DIVINE INTERVENTION

We have established it in our previous study that what Adam did in Genesis 2:20 was not a naming ceremony, but a search for his help:

“And ADAM GAVE NAMES TO ALL cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; BUT FOR ADAM THERE WAS NOT FOUND AN HELP MEET FOR HIM.” Genesis 2:20 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

What happened in this verse was a definite search for a help, via the use of the physical eyes. Adam, no doubt, found many among the animals that could be of help to him, but he did not find any help that was meet for him or that met his standard, despite the fact that the animals came from the same soil from where he came. The issue of standard here is not the one that is being peddled in our days, which gave rise to compatibility. We hope to deal with the issue of compatibility in one of our studies. This standard is about the breath of life.

It might be necessary to digress a little bit here, just to put some records straight, especially on the use of the phrase, “help meet”, particularly today. “Help meet” is not a compound word or a compound name, as in “help-meet”. No. The word “meet” that is attached to the word “help” is there to qualify the word “help”. “Help meet” means “a help that is meet or help that is suitable”. Therefore, what God meant to make for the man was (and still is) a help that is meet, a help that is suitable, and a help that is complementing, for him. A woman is basically a help, but the one that is called the wife is not just a help, but a help (woman) that is suitable for the man (the husband), in all things and in all ways! Do not desire anything less in your prayers.

Back to our matter! The big difference between Adam and those animals, was the breath of life- the standard! Are you sure the one you want to tie your life with now, has this breath of life, which is more than just being alive, but God’s kind of life?

What happened when Adam could not find an help meet for him? The Bible says:

“And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, AND HE SLEPT: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;” Genesis 2:21 (KJV)

God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and the Bible confirmed that he slept! It is not everyone who is sedated that sleeps! It is possible for Adam to refuse to sleep, but God checked him and confirmed that he slept before He began His work.

Why did God cause a deep sleep to fall upon Adam? One, because God did not need Adam’s contribution in the process of choosing who to marry, the only part he might be required to play is to accept God’s choice, which was God’s will, for him. Two, it was because deep sleep is the sign of total submission to God and to His will (His Word).

It means that if you must get the right choice, you will also need to sleep deep (in prayer)! Sleep? Yes, sleep! Have you forgotten that God gives sleep (rest) to His beloved?

“It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows:

for so he giveth his beloved sleep.” Psalms 127:2 (KJV)

Men who think they are smart and sat up all day and all night, and refused to sleep, ended up eating bread of sorrow in their marriages! You do not have to travel that same route. Getting the right choice should not be cumbersome and should not cause you so much sweat, if you trust God! For Ruth, it was Naomi’s challenge, not Ruth’s! The Bible says:

“Then Naomi her mother in law said unto her, MY DAUGHTER, SHALL I NOT SEEK REST FOR THEE, that it may be well with thee?” Ruth 3:1 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

It will be a great rest to you, if you will close your eyes in prayers (sleep) to those brothers/sisters around you. Great rest will you find, if you will stop suspecting every sister/brother that greets you! Stop reading meanings to everything any sister/brother does or says- simply sleep! The Bible says:

“For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his.” Hebrews 4:10 (KJV)

It was when Adam slept that God went to work! If you didn’t sleep before you got hooked to your spouse, and you have so much to complain about the one you choose for yourself, it might be necessary for you to sleep to his/her errors, now, so that God can go to work on your behalf.

A RIB FROM HIS SIDE FOR HIS SIZE:

“And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

And THE RIB, WHICH THE LORD GOD HAD TAKEN FROM MAN, MADE HE A WOMAN, AND BROUGHT HER UNTO THE MAN.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:21-23 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

God took a rib from Adam, and that rib God used to make the woman. The rib is the cage that protects the internal thoracic organs, including the heart. It has been said (not confirmed yet) that rib lasts longer than other bones. Whichever way, God must have reasons for choosing this bone and not the other ones.

What God took from the man, made He a woman and BROUGHT HER UNTO THE MAN! When God brings, He brings for you and not for them! The woman brought was his perfect size and match! The same God Who made the man, made the woman; hence the expertise is guaranteed! As He groomed the groom, so He roomed the rib! Again, when will you release yourself to be made?

God did not bring the rib to the man in its raw state, He made the rib into a woman. And when the man saw the woman, he exclaimed: “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh”. The man knew, not by the seeing of his eyes, but by the eye of the Spirit (the Word spoken by God, “I will make him a help meet for him.”). He knew that what God brought to him was from his side, was his and was his perfect size!

It was not too different with Jesus. The Bible says:

“Then came the soldiers, and brake the legs of the first, and of the other which was crucified with him.

But when they came to Jesus, and saw that he was dead already, they brake not his legs:

But one of the soldiers with a spear pierced his side, and forthwith came there out blood and water.” John 19:32-34 (KJV)

As God opened the side of Adam and took out a rib, so He did to Jesus. Jesus’ side was pierced, but instead of taking out a rib out of His side, it was Blood and Water that gushed out, to cleanse you and I! It was with these God made the Church- the Bride of Christ, so that He might say, “this is now Life of my Life and the Spirit of my Spirit, she shall be called the Church, for she was taken out of Me.” What a blessedness to know Jesus! Are you washed in His Blood yet? You can, even now!

Beloved, if God is the One bringing the man/woman to you, then rest assured that what is being introduced to you is not going to be a foreign body, as from today’s match-makers. Any match-making, be it from a pastor, parents, friends or the social media, is sheer organ transplant; it will be costly, yet it will not last! If it lasts at all, it will be with lots of rigours, and it will require hormonal suppression, to prevent the host body (you) from fighting the foreign body, which, sadly, will cause or expose the entire body to further complications! This is why some couples keep frequenting marriage counsellors, without any lasting solution. You do not have to go through such rigours!

ACCEPTING GOD’S WILL

Why was the issue of love or looks not important in the choice of Adam? It is because marriage is not first about the who you love, but about the will of God! In fact, it will surprise you that the Bible never recommends that bachelors should love their spinsters or vice versa. What the Bible says is:

“HUSBANDS (not bachelors), LOVE YOUR WIVES (not your spinsters), even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” Ephesians 5:25 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

The issue of love is never a matter to consider at the beginning of a relationship. Those who are teaching that you can only marry the person you love, are those who believe that they are smarter than God! Look at the verse below and consider the place of love in the process and arrangement of marriage:

“And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.” Genesis 24:67 (KJV)

1. Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent (into Sarah’s shoes/arrangement).
2. He took (accepted, welcomed, embraced) Rebekah as Rebekah and not as Sarah.
3. She (Rebekah) became his wife (and he also became her husband).
4. He LOVED HER (after he had accepted her as Rebekah and became his wife).
5. He was comforted (after the death and final departure of his mother from his life).

We are still going to look at this verse when we shall be looking at the difference and the journey between wedding and marriage. But for now, let us settle the issue of love. Do you notice that the issue of love is in the fourth step/stage, and it came after Isaac had fully accepted Rebekah, for who she was, and had stopped trying to make a Sarah out of her? The love in this relationship, did not come at the beginning. Those who teach that you must marry the one you love, has nowhere to berth or anchor their argument in the Bible.

Suffice (it) to say that every relationship that started in the Bible on the note of love, ended in disaster? Think of any; Jacob and Rachel, Shechem and Dinah, Samson and the woman in Timnath, Amnon and Tamar, Solomon and his strange women, all of them, ended in disaster. Do not go that way, oh brother, oh sister! It is not about whom you love, it is about the will of God for you.

It was not the issue of love or personal will, even for Jesus, our great example:

“No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him…” John 6:44 (KJV)

“All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.” John 6:37 (KJV)

It means that Jesus was not the One Who chose who should be His Bride; choosing the Bride of Christ is the exclusive work of the Father. It means that we are God’s children, all because the Father drew us to Jesus, not because Jesus lured us to Himself.

Jesus said all that the Father gave and gives to Him, shall come to Him. It means that there is no one who belongs to Jesus who will refuse to come to Him. Why then are you not going to the one God has given you to, oh woman? And He also said He will in no wise cast out, him who comes to Him. So, why are you rejecting the one God has given to you, oh man? Except you will write your own Bible (which is not possible), you have to accept the Word of God!

You cannot choose who to marry by yourself; God is the One Who must choose him/her for you. And you cannot reject the one God has brought or He is bringing to you, for s/he is the best for you. You cannot see or appreciate the good in the one God has brought or is bringing to you, until you have accepted him/her as yours.

In the next study, we shall look at the reasons the one God brings is the best.

May God give you light in His Word.

Enjoy your week and have a blissful marital voyage!

Shalom!

In HIS grip,

Segun Ariyo.

(29th June, 2020.)

MATURING THE MAN (AND THE WOMAN) FOR MARRIAGE

MATURING THE MAN (AND THE WOMAN) FOR MARRIAGE

Many times, the challenge of marriage is not about being Christians. There are many Christians, who are married, as it were, yet without stable homes! The question is, why? What could be responsible for a Christian not to have a good marriage? A careful look at the Word of God shows that, to have a successful marriage, there is a place of maturity. The maturity here is not mental, emotion and financial, though these are very important also. Maturity, in the Bible, goes beyond age, being able to withstand pressure, having strong libido, being able to cook well or carry pregnancy, having money or having good job.

We will always get it wrong until we learn to see things with the eyes of the Word of God. The question now is, what does the Bible call maturity? Who is a mature person, in the lens of the Bible?

We need to check God’s Word for answers to these questions, so that those who are agitating to marry, may scale themselves if they are mature enough to marry; and those who are already in the institution may check to see, for this issue of maturity may be the secret behind all the brouhahas in their homes.

JESUS’ DEFINITION OF MATURITY

Before we look at Adam and his maturity before he was enlisted for marriage, we will need to look at God’s Dictionary to understand the meaning of maturity. Do not be surprised that God has a Dictionary that He gave to Man, through which all difficult words and not-easy-to-understand situations are interpreted, explained and illustrated. This Dictionary is JESUS! Jesus said:

“Verily, verily, I say unto thee, WHEN THOU WAST YOUNG, thou girdedst thyself, and walkedst whither thou wouldest: but WHEN THOU SHALT BE OLD, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee, and carry thee whither thou wouldest not.” John 21:18 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

Jesus, here, was talking to Peter (and, by extension, to all of us). Jesus said, when Peter was young, that is, when he was immature, he dressed himself and went to anywhere he liked; but when he shall become old, that is, when he shall become mature, he would stretch forth his hands (as a sign of total surrender), and another would dress him and carry or lead him to where he would not want to go.

It means that, living to please oneself is a grave sign of immaturity! People think that being able to decide what they want is a sign of maturity. On the contrary, Jesus said living that way, shows that you are grossly immature! For instance, wearing what you like, eating what you like, drinking what you like, saying what you like, listening to the music you like, watching the films you like, buying the phone you like etc. – the government of self, by self and for self – do not show you off as a mature person (though that is the way the world will see you); rather it shows you off as an immature fellow in God’s sight!

Maturity is being led! Nothing more, nothing less and nothing else!

“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the SONS (not boys) of God.” Romans 8:14 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons, not boys! Marriage is not for boys and girls; it is for men and women! Marriage is not for the immature, it is for the mature. It is not for babies, but for adults.

A mature person is the one who takes instruction and obeys it gladly. A mature person is the one who waits patiently for instruction before s/he acts or takes steps. Are you mature, oh brother/sister? Your good age, good job, good looks, good morals and so on, do not make you a mature person (for marriage). What makes you a mature person is your submission to divine instructions and guidance!

Read the counsel of Solomon:

“Remove not the ancient landmark, which thy fathers have set.” Proverbs 22:28 (KJV)

“Remove not the old landmark; and ENTER NOT INTO THE FIELDS OF THE FATHERLESS:” Proverbs 23:10 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

Correct sons and daughters are those who have fathers and obey them! Such sons and daughters do not tamper with or adjust the boundaries set by the fathers. Correct sons and daughters do not change the goal-post during the match! The word “landmark” is what is set, like a pillar or beacon, to identify the land and mark out its boundaries. It takes fathers and those raised by correct fathers, to set boundaries! Any correct child should have landmarks to guide his life. Porosity implies leakages! A porous life is a leaking life, a porous life will not hold or show anything of value. A porous life is prone to being shattered.

The word “fatherless” in Proverbs 23:10, is basically talking about orphans, but we can borrow the word to describe those without instructors or guides! Do you have anyone who instructs you, under God? Is there anyone that could tell you to sit down, and it would be done without any argument or reluctance?

We know there is palpable fear in many quarters about instructors or disciple-makers. Experiences have shown that some so-called instructors or disciple-makers are not different from slave masters. Please, note that the yoke of Christ is always easy and His burden is ever light. Therefore, anyone who enslaves you or makes live difficult for you or tries to rob you of your freedom, in the name of discipleship/instruction, is not the kind we are talking about here. Submitting oneself to the instruction of the disciple-maker, should not be achieved by force, threats or compulsion; it must be done voluntarily by the disciple! Anyone who forces you to do what is not coming from your heart, under the guise of discipleship, is not an instructor or disciple-maker from God; s/he is a wolf in sheep clothing!

Correct instructors or disciple-makers are godly men and women, who themselves have fathers and are well-fathered. They are such that God has put in place to take spiritual oversight over lives of men. Such are the men who can play the role of a miniature father, under the Great Father – God Almighty!

EXAMPLE OF ISAAC

Isaac was an example of such men in the Bible, who demonstrated the Bible-kind of maturity, as a requisite for quality before his marriage. Think well of this great man, who got married at the age of forty (40), not because there was no money or woman to marry, but because his father meticulously took him through the process by which correct men are raised unto maturity! The Bible says:

“And the servant took ten camels of the camels of his master, and departed; FOR ALL THE GOODS OF HIS MASTER WERE IN HIS HAND: and he arose, and went to Mesopotamia, unto the city of Nahor.” Genesis 24:10 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

The above verse implies that everything Abraham had, were in the hands of Eliezer- a slave, up till this moment! And it would interest you that Isaac was already forty (40) years old at this point. It means that if Isaac (a forty-year-old man) needs money for transportation, he would ask either Eliezer or his father! A forty-year-old man still asking for money for transport, money for food, money for clothes and so on, from his father? Can you call that man a mature man, by our human definition of maturity?

What kind of maturity are you looking for in a man? What kind of maturity are you looking for in a woman? Is a forty-year-old man not old enough to handle the vast estate of his father, when some are even ready to retire at that age, in some climes? Judging by the seeing of the eyes and by the hearing of eyes has landed many people in trouble, serious trouble. Let the Word of God guide you, please.

Power, money, authority and women were all removed from this adult-boy without any complaint from him. There was no record that he struggled in the hands of his father. It is interesting that it was his father who decided that it was time for him to marry. It was his father who took charge of everything about his marriage. This may sound stupid in your ears, because your ears have not been tuned to hear correctly! Nobody learns to hear correctly, until the Word of God tunes his/her ears.

In your marital journey, did you allow God to go as far as Abraham went in the marital journey of Isaac? Do not forget that if God is not the Alpha of a thing, He will not be the Omega of it! Running on your own terms is not maturity; it is gross immaturity!

You need to see what Abraham did to his son, after he (Isaac) had proved his maturity beyond any doubt:

“And Abraham gave all that he had unto Isaac.” Genesis 25:5 (KJV)

Abraham transferred all that he had to Isaac, in a single day! It means he took all that he had kept in the hands of Eliezer for about 65 years, and gave it all to Isaac. Why? Because Isaac had proved to be a true son! Isaac had stretched forth his hand and another had dressed him. Isaac had been led to where he might not ordinarily want to go.

Are you also willing to travel this path? If you must receive all that God has for you, then you must submit yourself to the authority of His Word, and to the leadership of the one that God Himself had pointed to you or shall point to you.

MATURE ADAM

“And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.” Genesis 2:8 (KJV)

You cannot talk about garden without talking about the hedges. That a garden exists is a proof that there will be hedges. It means that God did not put the man He made in an open field of the fatherless; He put him in the land with landmarks!

Being in the garden implies that there was an extent beyond which the man cannot go – eastward, westward, northward and southward. The hedges will limit the man to the food in the garden. The sight of this gardened man would also be limited to what was within the garden. No matter how much he desires something, once such is not available in the garden, the man concludes that such was not meant for him.

Is your vision, passion, desire and appetite regulated to what is in the garden, which is the Word of God? The Word of God is the garden, which God has planted for us today, and there He puts every man He forms to inform them on how to go!

We know a man is well-formed, that is, mature, when he is informed by the Word of God and he submits to the same Word of God, willingly. Are you still struggling with the Word of God? It is only children (immature ones) that argue and struggle all the time, the mature ones will consider and obey it.

Your money cannot sustain you in marriage. It will be dangerous for you to proceed into marriage when God has not conquered (gained mastery over) you via His Word and via the one, He appointed to take spiritual oversight, over you. Do not step forth, until you are sure you have gained this all-important maturity. Your immaturity, oh brother/sister, could be the reason you are experiencing delay towards your marriage.

Sister, it is possible that your beauty commands men’s attention, and your skills in the kitchen could make those who are slaves of their appetite stick to you; but know it that, your immaturity will pull your home down! Those who cannot be led by God, cannot be led by men! Brother, check well, you will not be able to provide leadership for your wife and children, if you are not presently led by the Word of God and by the one God has appointed to take spiritual oversight over you.

When will you submit yourself to such drilling that will bring about the Bible-kind of maturity in your life? It is not safe to arm a trained but untamed man! Arming a trained but untamed man, is tantamount to producing an armed robber! Selah!

Shalom!

In HIS grip,

Segun Ariyo.

(22nd June, 2020.)

THE MAKING OF THE MAN AND THE WOMAN FOR MARRIAGE

THE MAKING OF THE MAN AND THE WOMAN FOR MARRIAGE

We have established the fact that God made marriage, which makes it compulsory for every man that will be involved in marriage to turn to God for guidance. Marriage is God’s and so is its manual. Those who choose to use marriage without consulting God and His Word, will have tales of woes to tell.

The quality of any marriage is the quality of the man and the woman in it. A product is as good as its components. The strength of a chain is in the links. Marriage is good in itself, but the goodness thereof is only seen when those involved in it are good.

We need to reiterate that (correct) marriage is between a man and a woman, and not between a man and a man, not between a woman and a woman, and it is not between a man and an animal. Anything outside the union between a man and a woman is a mirage, not marriage!

It is therefore important for us to look at the quality of the man and the woman in the first marriage, and why those who must be successful in their marital journey, must be made, also. 

THE MAKING OF MAN

It is important to affirm the fact that the man and the woman who werebrought into marriage by God, were products of process and not productsof statement! At the point of creation, the Bible shows that God spoke almost all things into existence.

“And GOD SAID, LET THERE BE LIGHT: AND THERE WAS LIGHT.” Genesis 1:3 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

“And GOD SAID, LET THERE BE A FIRMAMENT in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: AND IT WAS SO.”Genesis 1:6-7 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

“And GOD SAID, LET THE WATERS UNDER THE HEAVEN BE GATHERED TOGETHER unto one place, and let the dry land appear: AND IT WAS SO.” Genesis 1:9 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

To every “God said”, there was a corresponding “and there was” or “and it was so”! God created all things by the Word of His power and by the power of His Word. The Word of God is ever trusted; it has not failed once, and it will never fail.

However, there is a slight change in the approach God gave to the making of Man. The Bible says:

“And GOD SAID, Let us MAKE MAN in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.” Genesis 1:26 (KJV)[Emphasis mine]

“And the LORD God FORMED MAN of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.” Genesis 2:7 (KJV)[Emphasis mine]

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 

AND THE RIB, WHICH THE LORD GOD HAD TAKEN FROM MAN, MADE HE A WOMAN, and brought her unto the man.” Genesis 2:21-22 (KJV)[Emphasis mine]

Though God’s Word was involved in the verses above, we see a clear difference in the way the Word of God was engaged here and the way it was engaged in other things God created. We need to put it on record that if God had said “Let there be man and let there be woman”, there would have been a corresponding, “and there was man and there was woman” or “and it was so”. But here, though God engaged His Word, but it was not to call forth the man and the woman. He only used His Word as a guide orprocess of making the man and the woman.

Truth is, Man is not a product of a statement, he and she are products of processes. This is not to suggest that the Word of God is not sufficient to make the man and the woman; it is! However, it must be noted that thisprinciple, which God laid down here, is still playing out in the way we are made, today. For instance, no one becomes a professional or a skilled person by issuing a statement. You cannot become a medical doctor or an engineer, or a journalist, or a scientist or a pastor, or a fellowship leader or anything, by a statement or by a pronouncement, it must be by a process! Though statements are involved by way of teaching and by way of pronouncing the student qualified at his/her convocation day, that notwithstanding, what truly produced the doctor, lawyer, journalist, architect, pastor that is being graduated is not the statement of the Registrar or that of the Vice-Chancellor, but of the process!

This is not to suggest that there are not lawyers, engineers, fellowship presidents and even pastors who came to be by mere pronouncements or announcements; you might even be one. But truth is that, such men produced by such statements are quacks! It is not difficult to know such unmade men! 

Moses also thought a man could become a minister by mere hypes or by the number of followers s/he garners on the social media or by what he says of himself. He soon learned that God does not produce His men that way.

Therefore, for marriage to be, the first thing God did was to make the man and the woman. Please, note the phrases, “Let us make man” and “let them have dominion”. You cannot have, if you are not made! If it is your desire to have a good marriage, then be made. If it is your desire to have a good home, then be made! If you want to have a good wife or you want to have a good husband, then be made. Only those who are made are licensed (by God) to have! It is good that the man of God has prophesied that you will be the best wife and have a great husband; however, if you are yet in your raw state, even if the husband you eventually marry is the best ever, you will still spoil him, and the two of you will become bad, altogether.

Think about Solomon. He married unmade women, and what happened to him at the end of his life was pathetic. The Bible says:

But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites; 

Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love. 

And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart. 

For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father. 

For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Zidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. 

And Solomon did evil in the sight of the LORD, and went not fully after the LORD, as did David his father. 

Then did Solomon build an high place for Chemosh, the abomination of Moab, in the hill that is before Jerusalem, and for Molech, the abomination of the children of Ammon. 

And likewise did he for all his strange wives, which burnt incense and sacrificed unto their gods.

And the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned from the LORD God of Israel, which had appeared unto him twice,” 1 Kings 11:1-9 (KJV)

Is it not strange that as wise as Solomon was, his wisdom was turned to foolishness, by the strange women he loved and ‘married’? Is it not strange that the same Solomon who built a mighty edifice for the LORD,also built shrines of idols for all his wives? One temple for the LORD, 700 temples for idols! Everything Solomon’s strange wives were, he became! It is the tragedy of marrying an unmade person!

The secret of a happy home is not in planning or having a great wedding, it is in being made! Great wedding does not translate into great marriage, only great making does! There are many people who are wedded but not married, and you must not be one of them!

THE MAN IN GOD’S LIKENESS

You would notice a constant phrase, “after its kind”, in Genesis chapter one. This phrase implies that such things were created after a pattern, a model, or a prototype. However, the only pattern that appealed to God, after which He made the man and the woman who would marry was, and still, is, Himself!

“And GOD SAID, Let us MAKE MAN in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.” Genesis 1:26 (KJV)[Emphasis mine]

“And the LORD God FORMED MAN of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man BECAME a living soul.” Genesis 2:7 (KJV)[Emphasis mine]

The word “formed” implies “fashioned”. It means that God used the dust of the ground to form or fashion the Man. Dust is dirt! It is strange that Adam also began in dirt and as dirt! Therefore, it is not out of place that every man (including you and I) have this ugly background. However, God did not lead the man of dust into marriage in that raw state. God brought His life in contact with the man and made His life to dwell in the man, and the Bible says, and man BECAME a living soul. The word “became” points to a transformation, a transfiguration, a conversion and a change!

Is there any experience that points to this in your life? Have you been taken out of dust, that is, saved from sin and self? Has God’s life, which is Christ Jesus, been brought within you? The reason Adam did not find any help meet for him, among the animals brought to him by God, was because, though those animals were made from dust like him, the breath of life, which was God’s kind of life, which was in him, was not in any of them. Truth is, Marriage is not designed for those without God’s life(Christ).

Why will you marry an unbeliever (an unconverted person), oh brother, oh sister (if truly you are a believer in Christ Jesus)? It does not matter how costly the bathing soap you used might be, you will surely get dirtied if you lie in dust! Know ye not that anyone that is without the life of Christ within him or within her, is simply a pack of dust (irrespective of who s/he is), and as such, a glorified animal? 

Stop saying the man is nice and kind or the woman is beautiful and respectful; note that there are nice, kind, beautiful and respectful animals!It is absurd for a human being (who is in his/her right senses), to marry an animal because of its beauty. The best an animal can be is a pet, certainly not a help or a head!

Your decision to marry an animal, despite all godly counsels against it,suggest that you are one. But know it that such decision, if sustained, will not only bring confusion to your life, it will also bring a national curse upon you! Know ye not what the Bible says?

“Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.” Leviticus 18:23 (KJV)

“Cursed be he that lieth with any manner of beast. And all the people shall say, Amen.” Deuteronomy 27:21 (KJV)

No alternative to this truth! An image of God is designed to marry an image of God. All those who came into the ark of Noah, came in theirpairs, and there was none that came with a divergent species. A male man did not come in with a female chimpanzee, neither did a male tiger come in with a female dog. No!

GODLY MAKING

“And Jesus said unto them, Come ye after me, and I WILL MAKE YOU TO BECOME fishers of men. Mark 1:17 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

As God was the pattern after which the first man was made, so has Jesus been set forth by the Father as the pattern after which all men must be made, irrespective of race, age and grace! Jesus commanded, “come ye after me, and I will make you”. Here is a call unto discipleship!

This is a definite invitation to you, to come after Him. It is a definite invitation to stop going after things that will not make you and will notmake you to become who God ordained you to become. You cannot be listening to law lecturers all your days in the university and hope to become an engineer! It will never happen. If you must become an engineer, then you must listen to lecturers from the engineering department and follow after them, by obeying the instructions they give you. You cannot be listening to what is different from Jesus and ever expect to become like Jesus! 

Are you a follower or a shadower? Both the follower and the shadower follow, but the aim and the destination of both of them are not the same. Whereas a follower follows to learn from his leader/teacher, with the aim of becoming like him, but a shadower is not so, he follows because he is a spy! He follows to know the secret of the man he is following, so that he can hurt him. A shadower, most times, is an evil agent. Judas Iscariot andGehazi are typical examples of shadowers!

There is no other standard set for us to follow as a pattern or after which we must be made, under heaven, apart from Christ. The Bible says:

“For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.” Romans 8:29 (KJV)

There is a predestination for every man to be conformed to the image of God’s Son- Jesus Christ. Any other form, apart from Christ’s, is a deformation!

You have to decide to follow Jesus today, if you are going to be anything God designed you to be. Brother, you have to follow Him to be the right man, the right husband and the right father. Sister, you have to follow Jesus to be the right woman, the right wife and the right mother.

Moses had to be made under the hand of Jethro. Joshua was made under the hand of Moses. Ruth was made under the hand of Naomi. Samuel was made under the hand of Eli. David was raised as a soldier under the hand of Saul. Esther was made under the hand of Mordecai. Elisha was made under the hand of Elijah. Under whose hand are you made or are you being made? Think about it.

It is time to seek God’s guidance for where He has chosen to make you. May the LORD give you light on this!

Shalom!

In HIS grip,

Segun Ariyo.

(15th June, 2020.)

REASON FOR MARRIAGE

FOREWORD:

The first challenge confronting us is to discover or uncover the reason for marriage from the Bible. This is because, what gives meaning to anything, including marriage, is its reason.

A man who does not know the reason for his living, will surely live a life without meaning. It does not speak wisdom therefore, for a man to know when he was born (his date of birth), without knowing why he was born (the reason for his birth). It is sad to note that many people, who are praying for marriage, or who are already married, do not check to see the biblical reason for marriage. We all assume different reasons for marriage.

Some think that the reason for marriage is to prevent fornication. Some think is for status symbol. Some think that marriage is for baby-making or so that they can have someone to talk to. Some women even think that the reason for marriage is to have protection or get respect from other men or from the society or have someone to carry their load, (permit this English). Some think is it just a social phenomenon. Whereas, we cannot say that these reasons are not reasonable, yet the Bible never mentioned any of this at the point of instituting marriage. It is therefore good for us to look at the Word of God for possible answer to this matter.

However, before we delve into the subject properly, it is good for us, to also have common understanding on some issues that will help us in our journey.

One of such understanding is that we shall stick to the Bible alone, we shall not consider any other book, regardless of its author.

God told Joshua:

“THIS BOOK of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.” Joshua 1:8 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

There is a difference between “this book” and “these books”. Since what God recommended to Joshua was “this book”, which is the Holy Bible, and not “that book” or “these books”, it would be good if we also look at, and meditate on, the same Book, throughout our discussion.

This is not to suggest that other books are not good, they are! In fact, there are great books to read on marriage, and this disciple, under God, has also authored few books, and one of it, is on this subject. But we are going to look away from those books, to concentrate on the Bible.

The reason for this is not far-to-fetch. For instance, it is not possible for Apple to produce a phone and Samsung will write the manual or you will go and pick the instruction manual meant for iPhone while trying to solve a problem with your Samsung phone. And since God authored marriage, it will be good for us to look at the manual He gave us on marriage, and that manual is the Bible.

We are also not going to advance our points based on the customs and traditions of our land, though this, sometimes, may be harmless, but again, looking at an event in the Bible, shows that we should peel away from such. The Bible says:

“And he entered into one of the ships, which was Simon’s, and prayed him that he would THRUST OUT A LITTLE FROM THE LAND. And he sat down, and taught the people out of the ship.” Luke 5:3 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

Here Jesus begged Peter to thrust out little, that is to push his boat a little away from the land, though the land looked more solid than water. Jesus did not sit down to teach until Peter obeyed that instruction. Water, here, stands for the Word of God, it is a surer ground to stand, than to stand on the (tradition of) the land! Whatever may be the land and its tradition, including your past experiences, which have now formed the ground on which you are standing, the prayer of Jesus is still that you will push a little away from it. We have a good stand on Christ, the Solid Rock, all other ground is sinking sand.

Resting or standing on the customs and tradition of the land, will rob you of what the Master wants to tell you. In fact, what makes the other builder foolish, was the fact that He built his house on sand, which stands for men, tradition, experiences and philosophies! Let us push away from them all!

Finally, it must be added here that this disciple does not claim authority in this subject and in any subject, for that matter, and as such, you many find errors in this write up. Each time you find such error, just know it that it came solely from this disciple, and full responsibility for it is fully taken. However, do not forget that this treasure is kept in an earthen vessel, so that the excellency of power may be of Him and not of us. But in case you find anything useful in this write up, which this disciple is earnestly praying you will find, then know that such useful things came from the LORD, unto Whom alone belongs all praise forever!

REASON FOR MARRIAGE

“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man SHOULD BE alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

This is the beginning of marriage and it is the first place the reason for marriage was indicated in the Bible. The word “be” is the key here. Looking at some of the earlier verses of this chapter, you will notice that the word “be”, was frequently used by God. For instance,

“God said, Let there BE light: and there was light.” Genesis 1:3 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

“And God said, Let there BE a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.” Genesis 1:6 (KJV)

“And God said, Let there BE lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them BE for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:” Genesis 1:14 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

These few verses throw up the word “be” in clear light. For further clarity of understanding, the word “be” means “exist”, “live”, “remain”, “stand”, “stay”. It means that when God said, “Let there BE light”, God meant, “let light exist or let light live etc.! In the same vein, the word “be” in Genesis 2:18 means that God said, it is not good that the man should exist, live, stand, remain and stay alone. In other words, that man cannot not exist, live, stand, reman or stay, alone- all by himself. It means that the existence of the man was under severe threat without marriage. It means the live of the man was under threat without marriage. It means the man will not be able to stand without marriage. If this is true of Adam in his perfect state, what do you think of yourself?

Somebody may say, but there are people, even in the Bible, who did not marry and they lived. Yes, there are! But do you think such people would have been, if Adam or even their own parents did not marry? As a matter of fact, those we think are doing great without marriage, might be shadows of what could have been, were they married.!

To prove this assertion further, the Bible says:

“And of EVERY LIVING THING OF ALL FLESH, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, TO KEEP THEM ALIVE WITH THEE; they shall be male and female.

Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto thee, TO KEEP THEM ALIVE.” Genesis 6:19-20 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

The phrase “every living thing of all flesh” inarguably, included humans. It means that God commanded Noah to bring both man and animal into the ark, in twos. However, each pair must be male and female, no polygamist, no bigamist, no homosexual!

And God did not hide why they must come in twos (male and female), God said, “TO KEEP THEM ALIVE”. It means every male and female in the ark of Noah was kept alive by marriage! All creatures in the ark of Noah, including Man, would have gone into extinction without marriage. Is it not strange that it was not food that kept them alive in the ark of Noah? Going back to Adam, it implies that God’s thought of a spouse for Adam was to keep him alive!

What do you think would have happened to Adam, if Eve was not there when they fell? That would have been the end of humanity. The Bible says:

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

For IF THEY FALL, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone WHEN HE FALLETH; for he hath not another to help him up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (KJV)

Eve’s presence in Adam’s life opened the life-door of redemption to Man. This is why it is wrong to say that women are evil or necessary evil. The Bible proves that the woman God made in the beginning was the wisdom of God, to solve the problem of humanity.

Truth is that the problem you think the woman caused would have happened with or without the woman. The Bible confirms it:

“And all that dwell upon the earth shall worship him, whose names are not written in the book of life of THE LAMB SLAIN FROM THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD.” Revelation 13:8 (KJV) [Emphasis mine]

This verse viewed Jesus as the Lamb that was slain from the foundation of the world, which means, God saw that fall coming, and His preparation for that fall, was the making of the woman! It is also interesting that even the Saviour came through the woman. Every woman that lives according to the original reason of her existence, solves problems!

Therefore, marriage is not just for companionship or for prevention of fornication, it is the TOOL of and the TOOL for ensuring that the man made in the image of God BE, that is, exists, lives, stands, stays and remains as the image of God, and in that same capacity, exists, lives, stands, stays and remains to fulfil the reason for which he was made.

If marriage settles the issue of fornication, there will be no adultery. If marriage solves the problem of loneliness, no married man/woman will sill feel lonely and neglected inside marriage.

The primary reason for marriage is to keep your specie or your kind, which cannot be found elsewhere, alive. You are an endangered specie without marriage. Every man is a proof of God’s purpose and every woman exists to prove the proof that a man of purpose exists. Every marriage therefore should be a platform on which a man/woman stands to draw life and strength so as to be what God designed him/her to be.

Knowing the purpose of your existence, as a man, sets you on the course of true living, for it gives your marriage a focus and delivers your wife from confusion! Knowing the purpose of your existence as a woman, makes you a true and living help to your husband.

May the LORD grant each of us light in His Word!

Shalom!

In HIS grip,

Segun Ariyo.